And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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