butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
