I bet he comes in French.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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