we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
