How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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