Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
