No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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