Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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