Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
