what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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