i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
