I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
