before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
