My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
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you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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