i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
