Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
