i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
