Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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