Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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