theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
