4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
