she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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