grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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