im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
