She is in my trunk
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
