Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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