Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
