why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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