He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
