Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
