i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Found the puke drawer
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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