So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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