i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
