My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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