I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
