So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
