I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
did you just send me my own nude
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
FUCK WHALES
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
