Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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