I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
