I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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