Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
