I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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