Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
