I seem to have left my pride at pride
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
