Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We are all done wearing pants today
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
