if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
no, he came in my armpit
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
