I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
A bitchslap is in order.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
