I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
