3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
