Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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