NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
