if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize