new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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