Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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