My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
