He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize