Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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