she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Randomize
