I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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