At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
