For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
