Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it hurts more in the daytime
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
