What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
