so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
