U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
