Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
