how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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