I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm bleeding and have questions
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
