Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize