now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
