That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
