dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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