how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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