There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
